


Realizations

by strawberryjunhee



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, Multi, OT5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 14:13:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13637919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberryjunhee/pseuds/strawberryjunhee
Summary: In which all of the A.C.E members finally realize that Junhee has gotten a bit too skinny





	Realizations

**Author's Note:**

> If you are triggered, please do not read this story.

**Sehyoon**

Sehyoon was sitting on the couch, scrolling through Instagram and eating salad when he finally noticed how tiny Junhee had gotten. Sehyoon was technically still on a diet, which he didn't mind as much now. Byeongkwan whisked Donghun to the practice studio to help him with his overall dancing and Yuchan had gone out to the gym. It was just him and Junhee. 

Junhee walked out from their dorm room. "Hey Jun, do you want anything to eat?" Sehyoon noticed how Junhee seemed to tense up at the mention of food. "I know I can't really cook that much but we can always order in". Sehyoon had gotten much more comfortable around the other members, talking a lot more around them. He was naturally closer to Donghun and Junhee, having known them longer than Yuchan and Byeongkwan but Sehyoon had gotten closer to the younger members quicker than anticipated. Sehyoon knew their habits by now. And he knew that Junhee, no matter how confident he acted, sure as hell had an insane amount of insecurities. One of them being his "lack" of abs. Sehyoon took notice of Junhee's uncomfortable stance after the abs incident during the vlive. It wasn't that big of a deal but Sehyoon understood why Junhee saw it that way. Being an idol meant constant criticism and Junhee was beginning to experience it. But, Sehyoon was also worried that Junhee wasn't dealing with it correctly. He couldn't remember the last time he saw Junhee eat a full meal. The younger was always "busy" or "not hungry". Making promises that he would eat after but Sehyoon doubted that he would. Sehyoon didn't want to say anything because it didn't look like anything was happening to the extreme but now his eyes were showing him something different. 

"I already ate but thanks for the offer hyung" Junhee replied, giving a small smile before sitting down at the small dining table. Sehyoon examined the leader for a few seconds. He felt his mouth go dry at the sight because  _when did Junhee get that small?_ The sweater that Junhee was wearing used to fit him perfectly 2 months ago but was now hanging off his shoulders. Exposing collar bones that looked like they were going to rip through the thin skin. Sehyoon blinked, trying to get rid of the illusion in front of him. Everything about Junhee looked like it was bordering on unhealthy. The normally bright brown eyes that managed to capture the hearts of thousands had become dull. 

"Jun, have you eaten anything today?" Sehyoon asked. Junhee looked up from his phone, eyes slightly unfocused and Sehyoon thought he was going to pass out any second. "If you are trying to eat healthier I can make you a salad". Nothing. 

The blonde finally snapped out of his trance. "Uh yeah! I had a sandwich earlier". Junhee got up from the table and started walking towards the door. "I think I am going to head to the gym, don't stay up too late!". And with that, Junhee was gone. And Sehyoon was left feeling like shit because how had he not noticed earlier that something was up? He had to tell the other members. 

**Yuchan**

Physical affection was something that Yuchan grew fond of. And with their schedules sometimes so jam-packed, those little moments of free time where when Yuchan needed a hug the most. Junhee was always more than happy to feed into Yuchan's desire. That's why the two were on the couch, Yuchan snuggling into Junhee's chest, the cushion of the couch supporting the younger's back. Junhee's cold fingers were playing with Yuchan's hair. Junhee was humming some random tune.

Yuchan sighed. He couldn't find a comfortable position no matter how much he tried. Junhee's ribs were poking at Yuchan. That wasn't normal. Yuchan opened his eyes. Junhee looked like he lost a lot of weight. Yuchan could easily count every single one of the leader's ribs. Some people were naturally skinny, and that was a normal thing but Junhee wasn't one of them. They danced and Junhee had been going to the gym, there was supposed to be muscle there. Junhee's hipbones were sharp and digging into Yuchan's skin. He noticed them sticking out of Junhee's jeans before a shirt covered them. 

"Junhee-hyung, have you lost weight?" Yuchan asked, looking at the leader with unease. 

"Just a pound or two, why?" Junhee yawned. There were bags under Junhee's eyes. Yuchan knew the older had trouble sleeping sometimes. The golden skin surrounding them had turned ashen grey. Yuchan felt tears threaten to prick at his eyes, something was  _wrong_ and Yuchan hoped it wasn't too late. "Hey, what's wrong?".

"Are you okay hyung?" Yuchan asked. He felt guilty. Junhee always made sure that all the members were feeling their best. Trying not to push them too hard but not letting them slack off. Always making sure they ate and were hydrated. Junhee comforted the members when they were feeling down and thought they couldn't succeed. Once it was announced they were going on survival shows, everyone became much more anxious. Junhee sat with them in the late of the night to calm them down. When Sehyoon got eliminated, Junhee called him and told him that a stupid survival show didn't determine anything. He congratulated Donghun and Byeongkwan on making it to the finals. When Junhee himself didn't make it to finals, he comforted the crying Yuchan and encouraged him to do his best. So why didn't they notice any change in the leader? 

Junhee blinked in confusion. "Yes, of course, Channie". Junhee rubbed comforting circles into the younger's back before pulling him into a hug. Yuchan saw over the leader's shoulders and saw his spine peeking out from the shirt. Yuchan felt sick.

"Please eat more hyung, you can see your bones and-". 

"Drop it Yuchan, I eat more than enough okay?" Junhee's voice held warning and Yuchan knew better than to get their leader angry. Yuchan watched and Junhee got up from the couch and headed towards the door. "I'm going to the gym, don't stay up too late". He was out the door before Yuchan could protest. Did any of the other members know about this? 

**Byeongkwan**

Late night practices were common. Junhee and Byeongkwan were the last ones left. Junhee kept on stumbling during practice. Junhee was a pretty good dancer so it wasn't normal for him to do that. Byeongkwan asked that he stayed behind. 

"Junhee-hyung, is everything okay?" Byeongkwan asked as they were cleaning up. Their dances were getting a bit more difficult but it was nothing Junhee couldn't handle, that Byeongkwan knew. But Junhee had fallen onto the floor multiple times during practice. Each time he assured everyone he was okay but after the 5th time, Byeongkwan said that practice was over and went to examine the leader. 

"Totally Kwannie, just a bit tired" Junhee responded, giving a small thumbs up. Junhee got up and Byeongkwan saw the baggy jeans he was wearing. "I will try harder next practice, promise".

"Do you need new jeans or something? Those look way to big" 

Junhee stared blankly at the ground for a second. "Oh, yeah". 

"What size do you need now? I am going to the mall tomorrow anyways, I can pick up something if you want" Byeongkwan offered, checking the time. 3:21 A.M, they should head back soon.

"No, it's fine. You probably wouldn't be able to get any of them anyways" Junhee muttered, picking at the hem of his shirt. 

Byeongkwan stared at Junhee's body. The first thing he has taken notice of was Junhee's thighs. The thigh gap was new. During their Cactus promotions, they all paid attention to the appearance of their thighs, fully knowing that they were going to wear hotpants. All of the members were muscular and their thighs showed that. They were lacking fat and were mostly muscle. Byeongkwan was fully aware that in order for Junhee to get something like  _that_ he needed to lose a lot of weight. But it was there. Even when Junhee sat down, his thighs barely touched. That couldn't be healthy. It couldn't. Junhee never ate, now that Byeongkwan was fully coming to that conclusion. Never before or after dance practice. He was never hungry and Byeongkwan knew that was a total lie. Sometimes, Junhee's stomach would growl from the lack of food. Junhee would cover it up with a cough or something but Byeongkwan always caught it. 

"Hyung, are you eating?" Byeongkwan inquired. His eyes never leaving the older. 

The leader gave a tired sigh. "Yes, just a bit less now, that's all". That was bullshit. Junhee started walking towards the stairs. "Come on, we need to go, I am going to the gym early tomorrow morning so Donghun-hyung is going to wake you guys all up". Donghun...did he know about this? Did he notice any change with Junhee? Did any of the members notice anything? Byeongkwan sure as hell hoped so. 

**Donghun**

Donghun saw all the concerned looks from the members that they gave Junhee. Donghun was more than aware of the sudden and abrupt weight loss that Junhee had. He was the eldest, he was supposed to look after the members just as much as Junhee was supposed to. And he knew Junhee would never forgive him for looking through his stuff but right now, he didn't care. 

The leader had a series of things in his drawers. But Donghun managed to find a small journal. He flipped through the pages.

_February 03 2018_

_CC: Nothing for today. Managed to avoid eating during breakfast, lunch and dinner._

_CW: 103. Should probably go to the gym._

103 pounds. Junhee had lost over 20 pounds in a month and a half. And the methods were obvious. Excessive exercise and not eating. Donghun scolded himself for not saying anything sooner. The door opened to their bedrooms and Donghun inhaled sharply, it was Junhee. Donghun wished he could wipe the look of absolute terror off of Junhee's face. To say that everything would be okay and they would figure this out. But Donghun wasn't sure. He didn't know what the younger wanted to hear. 

"Donghun, what are you doing?" Junhee's voice sounded so child-like. Filled with fear and regret and Donghun's heart felt like it was hurting. "Just put the book down,  _please_ ".

"Jun, let's just talk about this okay?" Donghun forced himself to be calm. Junhee was always so brave in front of them, he must have had these emotions bundled up for months at this point. "It's okay, no one will be mad at you". Jun refused to move. "Everything is going to be okay". 

"This isn't healthy Jun," Donghun said, voice leveled. If he showed any sign of anger the younger could take it the wrong way and the entire situation could go downhill. "If you keep this up....then A.C.E might not be a five-membered group anymore". 

"I am perfectly healthy hyung, I just weigh a bit less than I did before," Junhee said. "And that's good, I needed to lose weight anyways".

"No, you didn't! Jun, you were perfectly okay" Donghun cried out, fuck the level voice. Why can't Junhee see that he was fine back then? "103 pounds isn't healthy Park Junhee!".

Junhee was eerily calm. "Just forget about this okay? I'm  _fine_ " Junhee spat out the last word like it was venom. Junhee reached out for the book and Donghun grabbed his wrist before he could think properly. His fingers looped entirely around the bone. Junhee's skin was freezing. A huge contrast to the warm, happy and healthy Junhee he knew a month or so ago. How did this happen so quickly? Why did it happen so quickly?

"I am pretty sure my fingers aren't supposed to meet" Donghun muttered. "Is this about the abs thing? Because that's stupid. If the fans don't like the fact that you don't have abs, fuck them". 

"It's fine if you don't have abs for christ sake, you have so much more going for you Jun, can't you see that?".

"Just forget about this, I'll get my weight up soon" Junhee snapped before storming out of the room. Donghun wanted to call out for him but it was no use. Donghun sat down on his bed. Should he call management? No, that would ruin everything. He will just have to talk to the rest of the members about it later.

**Junhee**

Junhee stared at the mirror. He could see the change in his body quite well. The collar bones that used to be hidden away were prominent. Junhee allowed his fingers to gently run across them. His hip bones were visible through clothing now, getting some attention from fans who desperately want Junhee to gain weight, but what do they know? Junhee could count his ribs and his spine was becoming more visible than ever. His legs were just bones with some skin on top of them at this point but Junhee wasn't satisfied. He didn't care if his hair was starting to thin out, that his skin was slowly losing it's shine or even that there was a chance that he wouldn't wake up in the morning.

All he could think about was that he could become tinier. That his bones could stick out more. That his thighs could be further apart. He wanted to be able to compare his arms and thighs and not see that much of a difference. And god, he knew how  _fucking_ horrible it was, he knew. But there was no way he could stop, not now. Not stop now and go back on the little progress he has made. 

Junhee slid down the walls of the bathroom and tried to hold back the sobs because it was fucking 2 a.m and no one should have to worry about him. He was the leader, he should worry about everyone else. And he was fine, perfectly okay. Once he became thin, then everything would be okay again.

Yeah, everything would be okay again. 

**A.C.E**

It was the day after the Donghun incident. Junhee forced himself to get out of bed and to the living room. He smelled food cooking in the kitchen. His stomach ached at the smell, yearning for just a bit of food. 4 days without anything, Junhee had gone longer. Yuchan spotted him and gently guided him to the table, Junhee was so fucking tired that he didn't even protest. 

Sehyoon set down a small bowl of celery in front of him. A weird thing for breakfast but Junhee realized why, celery was one of the things Junhee allowed himself to have.

Byeongkwan set down a cup water next to the bowl, before cutting up the celery into even smaller pieces. Tricking him, Junhee thought dully.

Junhee felt Donghun's warm body close to his. "You don't have to eat much, but just eat something, please, for us".

Junhee stared at the food in front of him. All of his hard work would be for nothing. But it was his job to make sure the members were happy. And right now he was failing at that. 

The celery tasted sweet.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think Park Junhee has an eating disorder, however, some of his comments while eating do have a tendency of getting me concerned. But this is purely fictional.


End file.
